Ways to not write a novel

Sign up for a triathlon – Then, when you’re not practicing spelling the word “Triathlon” (I swear, there needs to be another ‘a’ in there) you can be either training, thinking about training, worrying about how you’re not training or (and my personal favorite) lying on the couch congratulating yourself for having gotten of your butt and someone thing physical.

Find a job in which no possible amount of effort will ever be ‘enough’ – That way, you can go in early, stay late, even take things home and you’ll never run out of work to do.  Not that I do this.  I just worry about what I’m not doing a lot and that takes up copious amounts of time.

Keep a garden – People who think gardening is just for spring and summer have no idea what it’s all about.  In the winter, you have to plan and replan and get ridiculously excited over seed catalogs.  In late winter you have to do a lot of pacing back and forth waiting for things to warm up, because if to watch and talk to the dormant root stocks, they’ll sprout faster, right?

Have an internet connection – Because, really, do you think Facebook has turned up the meaning of life since you checked it thirty seconds ago?  Probably.  Better check again, just in case.

Become a knitter – So much yarn to organize, to pet, to fantasize about, to retrieve from the cat…oh and knit with, right.  What as I going to knit again?  Let’s go look at some patterns….

Write multiple novels at once – Which seems like such a good idea, harnessing all those ideas at simultaneously, until you realize that now you have four small lost and lonely chunks of novels, which unlike donut chunks, do not actually add up to one whole one.

And the absolute best way not to write a novel?

Spend time talking about writing or not writing, as long as you’re still talking and not actually writing – Such a fine line, between talking about the writing and actually doing the writing.  That’s the same line that lies between the wannabe and the novelist.

Damn, I need to get over that line.

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